Becoming a Godly Wife & Mom
One messy day at a time.
I thought my first year as a Christian wife and mom would have been easier.
I pictured moments with my Bible open, patience flowing naturally, and a home that felt calm and beautifully ordered. Instead, it looks like whispered prayers over dishes, apologizing for my tone, and asking God to help me respond better next time.
Marriage exposed my sense of un-trust. Motherhood revealed my impatience. And somewhere in the middle of the mess, God is beginning to teaching me that holiness isn’t found in perfection — it’s formed in the small, unseen choices.
In this post, I want to share what this first year has really looked like — the expectations vs. reality, what I’m learning about submission and respect, the loneliness no one talks about, creating a Christ-centered home, and the slow, daily surrender God is using to shape me.
Because this year hasn’t been about becoming impressive. It’s been about becoming obedient in Christ.
Expectations vs Reality
You see those “perfect” families. The mom’s and dad’s (children may be excluded lol) They are what looks like completely focused on Jesus. Their homes seem peaceful, their marriage looks strong. They appear to have everything figured out, and you think “I want that for us.”
But what we don’t see is the refining. The hard conversations. The tears behind closed doors. The moments of choosing grace when it would be easier to react. Their family is probably far from perfect — and that’s okay.
A part of me always kinda assumed if we just focused enough, prayed enough, tried hard enough. That if we were intentional and focused; it would all come together pretty quickly. What I’ve came to realize is that the kind of home I admired isn’t built over a couple weeks or months. It’s built in the unseen moments. It’s built when no one is watching. It’s built through repentance, forgiveness, prayer, and daily surrender.
I’ve come to learn and accept that part of being a Christian wife and mom is complete devotion to God. I can’t give half effort to my relationship with Him and expect my family to thrive. A life of holiness — of being devoted to God — also means becoming the wife and mother He is shaping me to be. And sometimes that devotion doesn’t look dramatic or spiritual in the way I imagined. Sometimes it looks like folding laundry with a patient heart, washing dishes without complaining, and whispering prayers in the middle of the night.
I also believe daily obedience is more important than we like to admit. We all want or look for that big spiritual moment; when in reality sometimes he’s just waiting for us to obey him today. It all starts with little steps. Obedience is not just rule-following, but a reflection of a personal relationship.
Submission, Respect, and Partnership
If I’m honest, the word submission used to make me tense. Growing up in a home where control felt heavy and authority felt harsh, the idea of “submitting” didn’t sound safe — What if submission isn’t weakness at all, but something far stronger than we think?
I’m not saying harsh or unhealthy authority is right — especially if that’s something you experienced too. But I am saying that past experiences don’t have to distort what God intended submission to be. We can acknowledge what was wrong without rejecting the strength found in submitting first to God, and then to our husbands. And this goes both ways — I’m not singling women out here. Husbands, this is for you too. I’m including the full passage of Ephesians 5:21–33 because I know not everyone will go look it up, and it’s important to see the whole picture. Scripture calls us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ — and that kind of mutual submission is rooted in respect.
Ephesians 5:21-33
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
This isn’t one-sided. It’s love and respect, working together. Our first submission is to God. When we are surrendered to Him, it shapes how we lead, how we follow, and how we treat each other in marriage.
That being said, I’m still a work in progress. This isn’t easy — and who ever said it would be? There are moments I have to remind myself to trust my husband’s leadership instead of immediately pushing back. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a voice or that everything he says automatically goes. For example, if he wants to drop an outrageous bet on Underdog and his track record isn’t great… I’m probably going to speak up. Respect doesn’t mean silence — it means approaching things with the right heart.
Communication is key. One thing my husband and I have always agreed on is that if we don’t communicate, this won’t work — or at least it won’t work well. It hasn’t been perfect, but after 9+ years together, I can confidently say that healthy communication makes all the difference.
That doesn’t mean we’ve mastered it. Sometimes we hold back out of fear of being judged. Sometimes conversations turn into defensive moments instead of productive ones. And if we’re honest, pride can get in the way. We all have a little of it. But learning to talk through things — instead of shutting down or blowing up — has strengthened our marriage.
But we’ve learned it’s better to talk through something calmly than to let it sit and grow into resentment.
For us, that’s meant waiting until we’re both calm before having hard conversations, being mindful of our tone, and sometimes even praying before we speak. We try to remind ourselves that we’re on the same team. It’s not me versus him — it’s us versus the problem.
In one of the sermons we’ve listened to, something really stuck with me: the enemy hates godly marriages. There will always be pressure — whether through misunderstandings, outside voices, or simple exhaustion — to create division. The goal is often silence, distance, and prolonged anger.
So even when I feel like I have the “right” to stay upset, I’ve learned that protecting our marriage matters more than protecting my pride. That means choosing to talk it through, choosing unity over being right, and choosing what strengthens us in the long run.
The sanctification Nobody talks about
Let’s start with the definition of sanctification, because if we’re honest, not all of us fully know what it means. Sanctification is “the action of making or declaring something holy.” It’s the process of being shaped, refined, and set apart for God.
Motherhood has exposed my impatience in ways I wasn’t prepared for. I knew I could be a little impatient before, but nothing revealed it like those early newborn days. When you’ve been up all day and all night, it’s 2 a.m., your baby is crying, and nothing you’re doing seems to help — patience can disappear quickly. I’ve had nights where I just sat there holding my newborn and cried right along with her, not knowing what else to do.
The nights eventually got better. But those first couple of weeks — especially with cluster feeding (which no one warned me about) — stretched me. I wasn’t prepared for the constant feeding, the exhaustion, the repetition. I didn’t want to wake my husband because there wasn’t much he could physically do, but he supported me in other ways. He encouraged me to turn on a sermon before I reached my breaking point.
Our church is Transformation Church located in Tulsa, Oklahoma and even though we are not located there, they post there sermons on YouTube, and their messages gave me strength in moments when I felt like I was running on empty. When I felt myself getting overwhelmed, I would press play instead of spiraling. And slowly, something shifted in me.
I knew my reactions weren’t always right. In the moment, it felt uncontrollable — but deep down I knew I wanted to change. I realized I couldn’t produce patience on my own. I needed to stay rooted in Jesus. When I focused on Him, my responses began to change. Not perfectly — and not overnight — but genuinely.
I want to be better. A better mom. A better wife. A better person. And I’ve come back to what I said earlier: I can’t give half effort to my relationship with God and expect my family to thrive. Not long ago, I decided I was done giving half effort. If I want the kind of home and heart I pray for, I have to put Him first.
Creating a Christ-Centered Home
Creating a Christ-centered home is harder than it sounds. These days, you can’t even watch a simple YouTube video without an ad that pulls your mind somewhere it doesn’t need to go. Guarding what comes into our home — through media, conversations, and even attitudes — takes intentional effort.
And you have to do it in a way that doesn’t feel isolating or extreme. That part is hard. There are shows we no longer watch. Conversations we gently redirect. Environments we choose not to stay in. And sometimes, that shift causes distance. People may fade when you no longer want to participate in certain discussions or behaviors. Not because you’re judging them — but because you’re trying to protect what God has entrusted to you.
There have been awkward moments. “Hey, can we not talk about that?” isn’t always easy to say — especially to family and friends. It can feel uncomfortable. They may misunderstand your heart. But protecting your home isn’t about superiority; it’s about stewardship. And if boundaries create distance, you don’t have to carry guilt for choosing what strengthens your family.
One thing I’ve learned in building a Christ-centered home is the impact of praying over my husband. I started a Bible plan called The Power of a Wife’s Prayer Mantle, and it opened my eyes to how meaningful a wife’s prayers truly are. Scripture says in proverbs 31:11–12,
“The heart of her husband safely trusts her… She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
That verse has made me pause more than once when I’ve felt frustrated. Am I seeking his good in this moment? Am I protecting his heart with my words?
And let me be clear — I’m not perfect at this. Sometimes we miss watching a sermon every Sunday. Sometimes I still roll my eyes. Sometimes I react before I pray. But I’ve learned I cannot do this without Jesus. When I take my anger to Him instead of unleashing it on my husband, it changes the atmosphere. And when I fail, I step away, apologize, and ask forgiveness — from both God and my husband.
Praying over my husband and child has become deeply meaningful to me. I pray over my husband’s mind, heart, soul, and health. I pray over my child’s health, future, their relationships, their love for God. I tell God everything I hope for in our family — because He cares. He listens. And He actually wants more for them than I ever could.
Creating a Christ-centered home takes time. It takes boundaries. It takes prayer. It takes grace. Play worship music. Pray while you cook. Talk to Jesus in ordinary moments. And don’t be so hard on yourself. You won’t do it perfectly — I certainly don’t — but it is worth it.
Surrendering Control
I heard something on Air1 one day that really stayed with me. A woman on the radio said
“You know how children are always asking, ‘Where are we going? What are we doing next? Can I have this?’ They are completely dependent on you. They look at you with childlike trust.” And she said, that’s how we’re meant to approach God.
Now, I know some people might immediately think, “I wouldn’t want to depend on a parent like the one I had.” And I get it, Childlike trust in people who raised me..no thank you ! But we can’t let past hurt distort how God wants to love and care for us. He is not a flawed parent. He is steady, patient, and good.
I’m learning to surrender everything to God. Not just in words — but in the areas that feel hardest: our finances, my husband’s leadership, and our child’s future. I naturally want control. I want to make sure nothing goes wrong. But God can do far more good with my family than I ever could if I would just loosen my grip.
For me, surrendering our finances began with tithing. I know that can be a sensitive subject. But for our family, it’s something we’ve chosen to do. Tithing as my husband has shown me can also be to a friend or random person getting funds for a mission trip. If you are iffy with giving to a church, I understand I probably wouldn’t trust them all but find something you believe in that is Jesus centered and focus and give. Tithing has meant trusting that what God asks of us, He will sustain us through. Scripture says in Genesis 28:22, “Of all that You give me I will give You a tenth.”
There have been weeks when it felt easy — and weeks when it felt impossible. Tight pay periods where I’ve thought, “I don’t know if we can afford this.” And in those moments, the tension is real. I feel guilty because I’m trying to take care of my family but I’m also wanting to obey God. Sometimes I’ve obeyed anyway, even when it didn’t make sense — and somehow, provision showed up. Dog sitting, Unexpected income. More orders than I anticipated. It didn’t always look dramatic, but it reminded me that God sees.
I’m realizing surrender isn’t about losing — it’s about trusting. I’m not perfect but he’s patient and not angry with us.
And honestly, trusting God with my husband’s leadership and my child’s future feels even harder than finances. I want so much for them. I want to shield them from disappointment, failure, pain. Handing that over to God makes me nervous — not because I don’t believe He’s got them, but because I hate watching hard things unfold.
But I’m slowly remembering this: God is already ahead of us. He knows every detail of our future, and He is not surprised by anything that comes our way. He wants what is best for my family even more than I do. That truth helps me loosen my grip just a little.
It doesn’t mean I agree with everything without thought. It doesn’t mean I stop caring. It just means I try not to overreact when things don’t go according to my plan. Even writing this makes my heart feel stretched — because surrender is hard. you want to protect your family and do the best for them. But remember so does God !
What I’d Tell the “Newly Saved” Version of Me
Unseen obedience I think is very important and may be what changes our hearts and behaviors the most. It’s not about performance, but grace. That you have for yourself and for others.
Those negative thoughts in your head do and will affect how you see yourself, and ultimately how you treat others. Because as many of us have probably heard before “if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love others”
Most of us get lost in the negative thoughts, one after another…I’ve been there many times and still do. Only difference from my whole life of thinking negative thoughts to the past month is when those thoughts start in my head I just say “Jesus, I need you. Fix my focus, fix my focus, please, I need you”
Often times I have no other words because my head is so full of negativity towards me or others or whatever I’m thinking about and there’s no ways I can have a conversation with Jesus about how “ I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way but I do and I don’t know how to change it and blah blah blah” so I say “I need you, fix my focus” over and over until my thoughts start to change to something more positive.
And when I’m real angry and I need to vent, I’ll vent to Jesus. Don’t think you can’t, he’s the only one that will not judge you or get angry with you. So go on and VENT TO JESUS !!
1 Peter 5:7
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Take it all to him, I do and it helps me because I know he cares and won’t judge me for how I’m feeling. And I’m not saying I don’t vent to my husband, I do. But I will also go to Jesus. Because he’s the only one who can take the weight of the fears, stress and anger from you.
Also don’t be so hard on yourself, we aren’t perfect and will never be. That’s why we need God and Jesus. We are all trying our best, and all we can do is try again tomorrow. His grace is new every morning !
Lamentations 3:22-23
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
What if the most important ministry you’ll ever have isn’t public at all — but inside your own home ? The way I speak to my husband. The way I respond to my child. The atmosphere I create. Be patient, listen before reacting and love love love. You won’t be perfect, but it will be worth all the effort.
Practical Rhythms That Helped
There are a few things I’ve started implementing just in the last couple of weeks that I already feel confident in. And honestly, I think it’s because I finally decided to give God my full attention. Like I said earlier, I can’t give half effort to my relationship with Him and expect my family to thrive — and I truly want my family to thrive.
So I’ve started doing what I can right now to intentionally give my time to God. My husband and I began a Bible plan where we read a portion of the Bible each day, but if I’m honest, we’d sometimes push it to the middle of the day, right before bed, or even skip a day here and there.
Recently, I decided to shift that. Before I start writing a blog post, before I post “weekly bakes open,” before I scroll house listings or do anything that isn’t truly urgent — I read that day’s Bible plan first. I’m learning to give God my first attention, not my leftover time.
Another thing I’ve started doing is simply talking to Jesus more — on my way to work, while I’m working, and at the end of the day. Just small, ongoing conversations.
At first, it felt a little awkward. It’s not a formal prayer every time — sometimes it’s literally just talking, like I would with my husband sitting next to me. But the more I’ve done it, the more natural it’s become. What once felt unusual now feels comforting.
Sabbath — taking a day of rest. Your 7th day. It’s more important than we probably realize. We honestly didn’t give it much thought until we heard a sermon that really opened our eyes to it.
Listening to Air1 every time I am in the car, of course not every song is my jam…making a playlist of my favorite songs helps, that way you can enjoy your time worshipping God. But even if you don’t have a playlist going and you are listening directly to Air1 and a song comes on you aren’t the biggest fan of. What I’ve started to do is turn the sound all the way down and talk to Jesus. Tell him how your day is going so far, tell him about the things that irritated you that morning, tell him the things that went great, how you handled that one person that normally you aren’t too nice to lol. I mean he already knows how your morning went, but I believe he loves that we are coming to him with it all.
Exodus 20:8-11
“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.”
Reading books (here’s a list I’ve started) Reading God/Jesus centered books help me grow my relationship with Jesus. Also helps me remember I am LOVED by an AWESOME GOD.
- GOD CHOSE ME – by Charles Metcalf
- Relationship Goals – by Michael Todd
- Who are you following? – by Sadie Robertson Huff
- Your Daily Phil – by Phil Robertson
- Fix My Wife – by Charlie Ouinonez (title would make you think “excuse me” but it’s a good book, for both husband and wife to read)
I just recently started saying this
- GOD CHOSE ME
- GOD SEES ME
- I AM SOOTHED IN GOD
- I AM SECURE IN GOD
- I AM SAFE WITH GOD
I plan to try and say this morning and evening, to remind myself “God loves me, He cares for me and wants me to fully trust in him”
This first year hasn’t made me a perfect Christian wife or mom. It’s made me aware. Aware of my need for patience. Aware of my pride. Aware that I cannot do this without Jesus. My marriage deserves more. My child deserves more. And He deserves my full devotion. I’m still learning, still surrendering, still growing. But if there’s one thing I know, it’s this: when I put God first, everything else begins to fall into its proper place. Not perfectly — but purposefully. And that is enough for me. Trusting that the God who called me to this role will also equip me for it.
If you’re in your first year — or your tenth — and you feel stretched, exposed, you’re not failing. You’re being refined. Holiness is formed in the small moments. In the 2 a.m. feedings. In the hard conversations. In the quiet prayers no one else hears. Keep going. Keep surrendering. Keep showing up. God is shaping something beautiful inside your home — even when you can’t see it yet.
I’d truly love to hear from you. What has your journey looked like so far? What is one thing God has been teaching you in your home, your marriage or your motherhood?
And if you could go back to your first year as a wife or mom, what would you tell yourself?
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